Who Art Thou?
by MsDevin92
Summary: Someone's in love with Nastasia! The problem is, she has no clue who...but she's gonna find out! A wager between the minions of Count Bleck that turns into a wild game only adds to the mounting insanity...Who could her secret admirer be? Nastasia x ...
1. Chapter 1

Who Art Thou?

Chapter One

The paper was the first thing Nastasia noticed.

Her desk was always neat and organized. Every pencil was perfectly sharpened and sitting in the pencil-holder; her clipboard had been fitted with a fresh new page; all reports were sorted into their respective files.

But the paper…it was just wrong. It did _not_ belong there.

First of all, it was folded- she never folded her papers- and stuck haphazardly in the tray she had for incoming notices, even though the rest had been stacked neatly.

Second of all, it was the wrong color; her messages were always on white stationary, and this paper was a yellowish color, like parchment (in fact, now that she looked at it, it did appear to be parchment- did anybody in the castle even write on parchment?).

And third of all, even with her orderly office habits and sharp memory, she did not recognize that looping, admittedly beautiful handwriting.

_Nastasia_.

That was it. Just her name.

Arching a slender eyebrow, she took the paper in her slender, gloved hand and unfolded it.

_Nastasia_

_O, your name is a song unto my heart_

_An angel's purest melody_

_No words can describe the captivating art_

_That is your stunning beauty_

_The sky can barely be called blue_

_When one compares it to your skin_

_And your eyes, your lovely, shining eyes_

_To the brightest of stars are akin_

_Your voice is a lilting masterpiece_

_Woven upon a siren's room_

_For my mind becomes weak and I lose myself_

_When you glide into the room_

_Nastasia_

_O, charming nymph, your spell of love_

_Has enchanted me_

_For you, my dear, are the Queen of my heart_

_And rule with fairest sovereignty_

_I would gladly go down on my hands and knees_

_I would do anything, anything just to please_

_You, my love, o finest dame_

_You, with silk plaited in your hair;_

_You, with star-bright, brilliant stare;_

_You, o love, o angel fair;_

_You, with the song woven in your name;_

_Nastasia_

She read it once. She read it twice. And again, and again, and again, barely able to comprehend the words written out before her.

A _love letter_?!

'O love, o angel fair'...

No, this was more than a mere love letter. This…this was a full-blown _confession_.

Someone was in love with her?

Someone was in love with her…

But who?

She anxiously turned the paper over, chanting mentally, _Oh, please, oh please, oh please be_-

Anonymous.

_Drat_.

She sighed, crestfallen, and then folded up the poem once more, tucking it into her handbag.

* * *

"Nassy, are you okay?" 

Nastasia looked down her nose at the pigtailed little girl. "Yes, Mimi. I'm fine."

"Oh." Mimi frowned. "Are you sure?"

She sighed, exasperated, and put her fingertips to her temples. "Yes, Mimi," she repeated, a bit tensely, "I'm fine."

She tried to go back to her notes, but Mimi stayed at her side, and Nastasia, studying her on the rim of her peripheral vision, immediately recognized the look in the little girl's angelic eyes.

She wanted something.

"Did you want something, Mimi?"

Mimi nodded eagerly, standing on her tiptoes and stretching upwards to get closer to the slender secretary. "Yes! Could you maybe take me to the library?"

Nastasia blinked. She hadn't been expecting that. She'd thought she and Count Bleck were the only two who actually visited the castle library. Why would the miniature fashionista want to go?

"…Why?"

"Because I finished this book," she chirped, holding up a rather large tome, "and I need the next one!"

The secretary peered at the title: _An Artist's Drawing Guide; Fashion; Beginners_.

That explained things. Mimi had recently been talking about starting her own fashion line (Cutie Pie, or something sugary like that). And, apparently, she was serious about doing it.

"…But why do I have to go with you?"

"Cause I can't remember the way there," Mimi whimpered, gearing up for her puppy-dog-eyes-pleading act. "O'Chunks usually takes me, but I can't find him, and…I-I wanna go! Please, Nassy, pretty pretty pretty pretty _PRETTY_ please?"

Nastasia rolled her eyes. That was what she and the Count got for letting Mimi grow up to be so spoiled. When they'd taken in the shape-shifting child, neither of them knew anything about parenting, and this had been the result. Now that she was older and Nastasia could administer more punishments, she was beginning to do better in her behavior, but still had problems now and again.

She surveyed her notes a final time. Her work for the day was complete- in fact, Count Bleck had even advised her to take a break.

Oh, what the heck.

"Sure. Follow me."

"YAY!"

* * *

As Mimi bounced to and fro through the massive room, looking for her desired book, Nastasia sat down at a table and pulled the poem from her handbag, making small notes on her clipboard. 

She still had work to do: figuring out the identity of her secret admirer.

She studied the handwriting again, but it was all for naught. Count Bleck wrote in neat, spiky print; Dimentio had airy, whimsical handwriting; O'Chunks words were sprawling and messy to the point that they were almost illegible. Nobody she knew used such elegant script.

Then again…it was possible that the mystery poet could've changed their handwriting, right?

_Handwriting_: _Inconclusive_

The system was simple and genius. She'd study the poem, and whoever most of its qualities pointed to obviously had to be her admirer!

She studied the paper itself. Sure enough, it was parchment, but the only parchment she knew of in the castle existed in the oldest library books. It was slightly crumpled, most likely from its many times being folded.

She took a deep breath, and caught a familiar scent- a beloved scent.

The ink was her favorite scent, lilac! Whoever had written this poem must've known a lot about her to pick up on that…

_Paper_: _Count Bleck_

Her heart skipped a beat when she wrote that conclusion down. The very thought of the Count in love with her…

Maybe it _was_ him! She knew where he was; she could go to him right now and-

No, focus, Nastasia. Don't go jumping to conclusions.

She studied the words. They were beautiful and artistic- the words of a master poet. O'Chunks was definitely out on that one; she doubted he could've even pronounced 'sovereignty', much less spelled it. Count Bleck was rather good with literature; he even narrated himself most of the time. But then there was Dimentio; the jester did have a knack for inventing clever little sayings…

As much as she loathed the thought of being admired by that eerie little jester, she reluctantly jotted down, _Vocabulary: Dimentio_.

One count undecided, one count for the Count, and one count for Dimentio. She still had no clue…

"Nassy?"

Nastasia nearly jumped out of her seat, startled by Mimi's sudden call. She took a deep breath, recomposed herself, and replied, "Yes, Mimi?"

"I got the book now…Will you take me back to my room?"

Nastasia hastily slipped her papers back into her bag. "Yes, Mimi. Come."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Who Art Thou?

Chapter Two

Once Mimi was back in her room, working on her dreams of fashion designing, Nastasia went back to analyzing the poem.

Walking slowly down to her office as she thought, she bit her lip and tapped her nails on the clipboard.

Then, quite suddenly, both poem and clipboard vanished from her hands.

"What-"

"My, my, my, what have we here?"

That was the last voice Nastasia wanted to hear, especially right now. Glaring poison at the smiling little imp, she stamped her spike-heeled boot and snapped, "Dimentio, hand those over _now_!"

The jester giggled from the rafters. "Temper, temper," he mocked.

"I'll show you temper!"

"Getting a little riled up, are we, now? Tsk, tsk, tsk, such behavior is most unbefitting of a classy woman like yourself."

If she could've, Nastasia would've hypnotized him into returning the poem, but she couldn't- Dimentio, along with Mimi (being a shape-shifter, it was difficult to hold on to and completely rewrite her original self), O'Chunks (probably because he had no mind to take over), and the Count (he was more powerful than she, obviously) himself, was immune to her brainwashing.

The most she could do against him was glare, snap, and threaten punishment, but they were all futile gestures.

It was unnerving, but Dimentio was practically immune to _her_: he was never fazed by her cutthroat demeanor, always wearing that carefree smile; she couldn't scold him and get him to apologize, the way she did with Mimi; and scaring him into submission like she did with O'Chunks would never work.

Something about that impish little joker just creeped her out.

"My, my, _my_…"

Without warning, Dimentio was right there, in her face, his smile widening. Nastasia recoiled in alarm, and then snatched the papers back, fuming.

"Dimentio, you-" she began, but the damage was done. Dimentio had seen the poem.

"My, my, _my_," he repeated, bobbing around her with a truly spine-chilling smile on his face. "Someone's gotten a little love letter! _Queen of my heart_? Ooh, how _delightful_!"

"I'm warning you, Dimentio, you're really pushing it here-"

"So, who do you think your Romeo is, eh?" He was still prowling around her, like a hungry cat that had cornered a mouse. "Could it be your _beloved_ Count Bleck? _Hmmm_? Nastasia and the Count, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-"

He didn't get to finish the taunt; Nastasia took her clipboard and swung it as hard as she could.

It didn't connect- he jumped out of the way with some kind of complicated acrobatic move- and sprang back up to the rafters, giggling all the while.

"Aw, I'll leave poor widdle Nastasia with her love letter! _Ciao_!"

With a snap of his fingers, he was gone.

He simply vanished, and although Nastasia was thankful he'd stopped experimenting with different entry/exit techniques (one, which involved some sort of fireworks display, had turned the contents of an entire filing cabinet to ash), she found it even more unsettling that he'd managed to disappear just like that. As far as she knew, only she and Count Bleck had had the power to do that so quickly and cleanly.

Dimentio was certainly something else.

Who was he behind that mask?

The thought hit her with the force of a charging bull, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, feeling sick.

What if her secret admirer…was _Dimentio_?

* * *

Dimentio. _Dimentio_. 

Nastasia shuddered violently.

That creepy jester, in love with her? _Disgusting_! She was struggling to keep her lunch down.

Wait…Calm down, Nastasia. It couldn't have been him…

After all, Dimentio wouldn't have teased her about the poem like that if he'd been the one who wrote it, right? Right.

No…Wrong. A very good chance of being wrong.

Dimentio was a demented little psycho- there was no telling what he was capable of.

With another violent shudder, the secretary rushed down the hall, as though she could leave the horrifying possibility behind her, as though, like Dimentio, it would simply call 'Ciao' and disappear.

* * *

Mimi stuck her head out of the doorway. "Nassy?" 

No response. The hallway was empty.

She shuffled a bit further out, and then trotted right out into the open corridor. "Nassy, are you okay?"

The last thing she'd heard was Nassy's voice, and she'd sounded very upset.

Whenever Nassy got upset, it meant something _really_ bad was happening…or O'Chunks had messed up too many missions in a row, but as she'd heard no frightened whimpering (Nassy always did a pretty good job of freaking Chunks out) afterwards, she knew it wasn't the latter possibility.

"Getting a glass of water before bedtime, little Mi?"

Mimi squealed in surprise. "_Dimentio_! Stop sneaking up on me like that, stupid-head!"

His amused expression didn't change a bit. "Oh, it's not nice for such a cute little girl to call people names, little Mi."

"It's not nice to sneak up on peoples, either," she cried, stamping her foot, "and stop calling me 'little Mi'!"

A thought flashed across her mind, and she glowered at the jester.

"_You_ made Nassy upset, didn't you, you meanie!" she snapped, pointing at him accusingly.

"Me?" Dimentio's eyes widened in horror (his smile remained plastered across his face, as always). "Oh, goodness gracious me, no! I'm not the reason Nast- Nassy's angrier than a wet cat! Oh, dear, no!"

Of course he was lying, but Mimi didn't know that.

"Then why _was_ she all upset than, meanie?"

"Why…" Even though they were the only two in the hall, Dimentio leaned down to whisper in her ear, his voice hushed and very mysterious. "Nassy's in _love_."

Mimi gasped- evil or not, she was still a little girl; she was at that tender age where little girls became particularly interested in gossip and such, and were liable to believe the most outrageous of things.

"Nassy's in _love_?" she repeated incredulously.

"Of course!" Dimentio sprang backwards and spun around, gesturing extravagantly as though he were acting a part in a play. "Her little heart is absolutely _bursting_ with love!"

Mimi squealed- this time, in excitement. "How _sweet_!"

"She's received a romantic love letter, naming her an angel, a queen, a pure and perfect thing of beauty!"

"How _sweet_!" Mimi repeated, now bouncing up and down in excitement. "Who gave her the letter, Dimentio? Who, who, who?"

"Why-" Dimentio paused, his smile widening even more as the brightly-colored gears turned in his twisted mind. "Why…don't you see it, Mimi? Isn't it obvious?"

The little girl jumped, looking considerably shocked. "It's not _you_, is it?"

"Me?!" Dimentio struggled to keep smiling, although he screwed his eyes shut in disgust. "Me, in love with that- I mean, er, she's not my type. No, it's not me."

Mimi tilted her head to the side, her fluffy pigtails bouncing. "Is it…O'Chunks?"

Dimentio's smile vanished. There was a long moment of silence. The jester lowered his head and stared at the ground, his shoulders shaking.

Mimi raised an eyebrow, puzzled.

"…Ha…"

The first laugh was low and soft, but then they began to build in volume and intensity.

"Ha…_ha ha ha_!"

The shape-shifting little girl watched in confused captivation as Dimentio succumbed to the fiercest fit of laughter she'd ever seen, even for him. He threw his head back, clutched his sides, and fell down on the floor, rolling about and kicking his feet, howling with laughter all the while.

"_Ha_- ha, oh- _ha ha ha ha_!"

The laughter went on for an indefinite amount of time, echoing off the walls of the empty hall. Finally, after about five or six minutes, he quieted and grew still. He knelt there, gasping for breath, giving a shaky chuckle every now and then.

"Oh…Oh, I haven't laughed that hard in a while…Oh, Mimi- _ha_!"

Mimi just blinked. "Was it that funny?"

"Funny? It was _HILARIOUS_!" Dimentio jumped back up, grinning broadly, his normally pale face flushed. "Can you _imagine_ that, Mimi? That blundering, bumbling, muscle-bound lug O'Chunks in _love_ with _Nastasia_? A match made in heaven, I'm sure!"

Mimi was not so young as to miss his sarcasm. She scowled again. "You meanie, laughing at Nassy like that when she's in love!"

Dimentio waved a hand dismissively. "Anyway, back to the original topic…You _still_ haven't named Nastasia's admirer!"

"But besides you and O'Chunks, the only guy in the castle is-"

Her mouth gaped open in shock. "_Count Bleck is in love with Nastasia_?"

"Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen!" The jester took her hand and twirled her in a circle. "Yes, today's hot couple is none other than the great Count Bleck and the lovely Nastasia!"

Inside, he was still cackling madly. His little scheme was progressing wonderfully. Oh, just imagining the migraine Nastasia would get from this tickled him pink! What fun!

"Wow," Mimi gasped, smiling and blushing a rosy magenta. "This is so _sweet_! The Count and Nastasia will fall in love and go on romantical dates and then they'll get married and- _ooh_, I wanna be the flower girl!"

Dimentio stopped abruptly, shaking his head, his smile now more sad than, well, creepy. "Oh, poor little Mimi, lost in her own fantasy world…"

"What do you mean by that, meanie?"

"People don't always have happy endings, darling. Per chance, have you heard of _Romeo and Juliet_?"

"Sorta."

"Well, what do you know about it?"

"I know that they were in _love_!" Mimi did a little pirouette, squealing in delight.

Again, Dimentio shook his head. "Well, they met a sad and bitter end, I'm afraid- and there's little to no chance that it will turn out differently for our beloved superiors."

"You're saying that they _won't_ fall in love?!" Mimi shrieked. "Dimentio, you _meanie_! They _will_ have a happy ending! I'll bet on it!"

"Let's, then!"

"Huh?"

"If you're so eager, we'll make a bet on the affair," Dimentio proposed, rubbing his palms together. "I bet thirty Rubees that Nastasia and Count Bleck _won't_ end up together!"

This was perfect! He'd get to irritate the Count, embarrass Nastasia, prove the little brat wrong, _and_ he'd get thirty Rubees out of the deal!

Just as he'd expected, Mimi put her fists on her hips and shrilled, "Well, I bet thirty Rubees that they _will_, stupid-head!"

"Excellent!" Dimentio snapped his fingers. "The deal is done! _Ciao, _darling!"

And with that, he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Who Art Thou?

Chapter 3

I can totally imagine a sort of familial feeling between Bleck's group (the exception being that sneaky little Dimentio, of course X3 ). And the Count's third-person/self-narration habits amuse me greatly. X3

* * *

"O'Chunks?"

The burly minion jumped and dropped his barbells; the heavy weight narrowly missed crushing his foot, and left a large dent in the floor that Nastasia definitely wouldn't be happy about.

The thug took a deep breath, but his square face split into a warm, slightly goofy smile at the sight of the doll-like little girl. Although at times she was obsessed with fashion and those sparkly little Rubees, and she was pretty good at pushing his buttons, she had somehow managed to earn a special place in his heart.

The feeling was mutual; in her colorful, crazy family, the Count was her father, Nastasia was her mother, and O'Chunks was her big, loveable uncle. So of course, Mimi had gone to her surrogate uncle for help.

"What do ye need, lil' one? There be anotha monsta in yer closet tha needs a thrashin'?"

"I'm ten and a half, now, Chunks," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "There haven't been monsters in my closet in almost six months; that's, like, forever!"

"Ach, sorry." O'Chunks smiled wryly. "So, what do yeh need?"

"I need help with something."

"What?"

"I made a sort of…bet with Dimentio," she began, innocently putting her hands behind her back and tapping her foot on the ground.

"Ach, not the lil' demon," O'Chunks groaned, shuddering. "He's sure ta bring trouble! But what this here wager be abou, eh?"

"It's about…someone being in love," Mimi confessed.

"Ah- Really?"

"Yeah…a friend. You see, Dimentio bet that my friend wouldn't end up with the guy she loved, but I said she did, and I don't wanna lose to that icky stupid-head meanie guy!"

"Oh…a friend, is it, now?"

O'Chunks chuckled to himself. Obviously, by 'friend', Mimi meant herself.

How cute- the little lass had herself a crush! He wasn't going to let that little demon Dimentio ruin this for her.

"I'd be happy ta help ya, lassie! Now, what do yeh need to best that cacklin' fiend at his twisted lil' game?"

"I wanted to put together this _totally_ romantical dinner!" Mimi gushed, her eyes sparkling. "With candles and nice food and roses and everything! It'll be perfect, and they'll confess their undying love to each other and-"

"A happy ending! I see, I see, lassie. Ya want me to help yeh put together this lil' shindig. Tha be it, right?"

"YAY! Thank you, O'Chunks! Thank you thank you _thank you_!"

And so their big plan was underway.

* * *

"The first thing we need to do," Mimi mused as she skipped down the hall alongside O'Chunks, "is find out what to have!"

"Ya mean the food?"

"Yeah! It needs to be something beautiful _and_ yummy!"

"Well, I hope yeh have somethin' in mind, lil' miss…" Chunks said awkwardly, "cause I'm not exactly a masta chef, if yeh know what I mean."

"Hmm…" Mimi pouted. "But I don't know how to cook, either…Oh, no, O'Chunks, what do we _do_?!"

The muscular thug frowned, thinking.

"Hmm…Does nice food _have_ ta be cooked?"

"Huh?"

"Think about things yeh like ta eat, lassie."

"I like…" Mimi counted things off on her fingers. "I like cupcakes, and milk and cookies, and fruit salad- Oh, wait! Yeah, we can make some nice not-cooked stuff! Like…there can be a big bowl of yummy fruits, and…I think there's leftover chicken in the kitchen somewhere…we could put that in some salad, and poof: chicken salad! Yay!"

O'Chunks smiled. "Thatta girl!"

"But we still have to make it romantical and sweet and perfect!" she cried determinedly, eagerly punching at the air.

"…The library don't seem too romantic ta me, lassie…"

"Yeah, but there are romantic _books_, right? _With pictures_! We can use those! You'll help me find them, right, O'Chunks?"

"Sure, lassie, sure. Anything for y- er, yer friend!"

"Okay, here we are!" Mimi flounced into the library.

"Ya sure ye know where tha book be, lil' one?"

"Yep! It's right over here! C'mon, Chunks!"

Allowing himself to be led over to the romance section, O'Chunks tottered back on forth on his toes, humming absentmindedly to himself.

"…Oh, no…"

O'Chunks knelt down; Mimi's face had fallen, and her eyes were shimmering sadly. "Wha is it, child?"

"The book's gone!"

* * *

Dimentio, watching from the darkest corner of the library, snickered softly, flipping the giant book in his hands as though it were a coin.

"I'm afraid you won't be finding your precious little book anytime soon, little Mi…"

* * *

O'Chunks was frantic. Mimi was in tears, and no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find the book she wanted.

"_Waah_! O'Chunks, what do we _do_? _WAAAAHHHH_!"

"Ach- simma down, simma down, simma down, lassie! Er, I can fix this…" He took a deep breath. "How about ya take the food, an I'll see what I can do about the décor, savvy?"

"Ok," she whimpered, rubbing her eyes.

* * *

Dimentio stifled a full-blown laugh from behind his hand and disappeared with a simple snap of his fingers. Their plan for a romantic atmosphere was down; after all, _O'Chunks_ was handling that detail.

He'd practically won this wager already!

* * *

_BANG_!

Count Bleck, who had been gliding down the hall, had a small heart attack, almost dropping his cane and the precious _Dark Prognosticus_.

"_Bleck_?! What was that? …Wondered Count Bleck, alarmed."

He poked his head into the next room. "What's going on in here?!"

He found his assistant, Nastasia, stomping around the office in her sharp boots, muttering darkly under her breath and slamming various things down on her desk- the source of the loud noises.

"Nastasia, what are you doing? Such fierce anger is uncharacteristic of your…character."

She gasped and whirled around, having not noticed him come in.

"Oh…um…" she flustered, trying her hardest not to blush. Why did she always bumble like this around him? It made her look like some incompetent twit! "I, uh, was just blowing off some steam, Count."

"What could possibly break through your stoic persona to enrage you so? The Count was utterly confused."

Oh, there he went, narrating himself again…He was so unique and artistic and- Oh, no! She was starting to blush! She pretended to be absorbed in searching for something in a cabinet.

"It's just that, um, well, you know, stress piles up after a while, Count Bleck. But it's totally fine. I'm fine, 'K?"

"Hmm…" He made a thoughtful noise. "Fine, then. Count Bleck shall return to his plotting! ...He announced! And with that, he departed!"

He glided back out, closing the door behind him. Once she was alone, Nastasia gave a fluttering sigh and clasped her hands over her heart.

Wait…her heart…

With that sudden movement, it all came together.

Nastasia gasped a second time and retrieved the poem again, searching eagerly for the phrase…

There!

_For you, my dear, are the Queen of my heart…_

_My heart_.

That was it. _That was it_! It all made _sense_!

Count Bleck was trying to take over the world with the Chaos Heart and destroy the Pure Hearts.

If he came to rule the world, he'd be like the king- and she, his right-hand woman, would be the queen!

Queen of his heart, assistant in his scheme, the woman he loved…

_It all made sense_.

With a soft shriek of delight, Nastasia clasped the poem to her chest and spun on her heel, happy tears forming in her eyes.

The Count was in love with her!


	4. Chapter 4

Who Art Thou?

Chapter Four

"Huh, this is easy _and_ fun!" Mimi giggled. She tossed a handful freshly-diced strawberry chunks into the air; one piece missed the bowl, but she caught it cleanly in her mouth and chewed happily.

"Watch yerself with tha there knife, missy," said O'Chunks worriedly. "Ya might lose one a yer pretty lil' fingers."

His eyes on the child, he nearly ended up cutting off one of his own fingers himself.

Mimi went on preparing the food, singing a peppy tune; it was a bit frightening that such a little girl was so comfortable, even happy, around knives.

"I was looking in an old cookbook," she said, simultaneously showing him said page while slicing a pineapple, "and it said we could make it even yummier by putting this honey syrup stuff on it! Try a piece!"

O'Chunks took the melon piece, which was coated in an amber-colored liquid, and popped it into his mouth.

"That's-"

His face fell, turning a sickly green. "_GAUGH_!"

"O'Chunks!" Mimi squealed, dropping the bottle of amber liquid, "are you okay?"

He spat the melon piece into the garbage pail and hastily downed a huge glass of water, sputtering all the while. "_UGH! _Wha _is_ that stuff, Mimi?"

"It's honey syrup!" She held up the container. "It says so on the bottle!"

"If tha- tha _filth_ be honey syrup, then the world's been turned on its head! I'm dyin' here!"

"Maybe- maybe you're allergic…It can't be _that_ bad…" Mimi desperately poured a dollop of the liquid on her finger and stuck it in her mouth.

Her already-green face turned an ugly blackish color.

"_EWWWWWWW_! That's _gross_! Icky, icky, ew, ew, ew!"

In a flash, O'Chunks had another glass of water and she was gulping it down, trying not to throw up.

"_Ew_," she groaned, coughing. "That's the most grossest honey syrup ever! It- it musta gone bad or something…"

O'Chunks took a deep breath- and smelled something _horrible_.

"Wait one- Lemme see tha bottle, lass."

Mimi picked the bottle up gingerly, as though it would bite her, and practically threw it at him. O'Chunks caught it in his massive fist, flipped open the cap, and sniffed.

"_AUGH_!" he gasped, turning his head away and covering his nose. "Tha's _definitely_ not honey syrup! Tha's _Piranha Plant juice_!"

They both gagged at the mention of the disgusting liquid.

Piranha Plant juice was one of the most putrid things in the world. Apparently, some found its overpoweringly bitter taste quite delicious, but if you could drink a drop of the stuff and not puke, you had to have a stomach made of iron. It didn't help that the almost acidic mixture doubled as a maintenance polish and had a good chance of giving them both nothing short of a bad case of poisoning.

The only reason they hadn't gotten the full-fledged force of the stuff was because it had been diluted when it had mixed with the honey syrup.

But how had it gotten into the syrup bottle in the first place?

"And so a most awful fiasco takes place! Horror!"

Mimi's face reddened in anger as she turned towards the voice. "_Dimentio_! _You_ did this!"

The jester shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not," he sang.

"I'm so definitely going to say _maybe_ on this one, you…you stupid-head dummy!" She stamped her foot. "Why did you do that?!"

"Well, if I _did_ do it," Dimentio said airily, his carefree smile widening a bit, "I'd have to say I did it so that the food would taste horrible and you're little 'romantical' plan would be doomed to fail, little Mi."

O'Chunks snarled.

Dimentio jumped to the side, barely avoiding the bottle of Piranha Plant juice-laced syrup as it hit the wall, splattering the mixture everywhere.

"Now, now, that was most uncalled for!" he scolded.

"I'll show yeh uncalled fer, ya pest," O'Chunks raged, cracking his knuckles. "How dare yeh try an mess with tha lil' miss's shindig!"

"Yeah, you dummy!" Mimi chimed in hotly. "I can't believe you'd do this to Nastasia!"

O'Chunks stopped, confused, and slowly turned to her.

Dimentio took the opportunity to disappear- his job was done.

"Nastasia?"

"Oh, O'Chunks, you let that doofus-head get away!" Mimi did a double-take, and then noticed his confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"Ye said tha Dimentio was ruinin' things for _Nastasia_."

"Yeah. Cause he is."

"So…this here lil' shindig _isn't_ fer _ye_?"

She blinked. "What made you think that?"

"Well, ye didn'-"

"What _are_ you two doing?"

They both jumped to attention. "Nothing, Nastasia!"

Nastasia turned her head to the wall beside her, which was dripping with the tainted syrup. She sniffed, and her nose wrinkled.

"Honey syrup and Piranha Plant juice all over the kitchen wall does _not_ sound like nothing. What were you doing?"

O'Chunks hastily stepped in front of the counter, so Nastasia wouldn't see the food.

"That- that was Dimentio's fault!" Mimi wailed. "We was making fruit salad, and then he poured that icky juice on it, and- and he's _mean_!"

Nastasia shook her head. "But did _Dimentio_ throw the bottle at the wall and make this mess?"

The two noticed that Nastasia's normally cerulean face was tinged a soft reddish-pink, and her cheeks looked a little wet. Had she been crying?

O'Chunks bit his lip, and then called out, "Oy, Nastasia, don' be blamin' the lil' miss for this here mess. I was the one tha threw tha bottle a' Dimentio, not Mimi."

Her cool gaze fell upon him. "O'Chunks, did you even finish the last punishment I gave you?"

"Tha thing abou' tha consequences o' my actions? Tha report?"

"That would be the one."

"Yeah, I finished it an delivered it ta yer office last night."

"Good." Nastasia paused, staring off in to space. She was smiling a bit. "Hmm…Well- Hey, what are you standing around like that for? That mess isn't going to clean itself up."

"Er- yes ma'am!" O'Chunks was instantly kneeling on the floor, trying to scrub the sticky syrup away.

Nastasia pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, turned, and walked out.

O'Chunks sat there for a moment. That was strange. She hadn't given him some massive assignment! Maybe things were looking up for him.

"O'Chunks…" Mimi smiled at him. "Thanks. Hey, let me help you clean up that yucky stuff, you big silly-head."

* * *

"So…what do yeh think a it?" 

Mimi stared in awe at the dining room.

It had been completely transformed. A single table made of polished dark wood sat in the center of the room. A white tablecloth was thrown over it, and in the middle of the table was a glass vase full of red roses. The entire room was lit by the soft golden glow of candlelight.

"Oh, wow…O'Chunks- wow! This is so _romantical_!" She jumped up and down in bliss. "How did you do it all?"

"I…uh…just tried my han' a it…Guess I gotta knack fer this sorta thing, yeah?"

"Yeah!" she cried, throwing her arms around as much of the hulking man as she could reach. "I finally managed to finish the food without that stupid Dimentio getting in the way, and the dining room's all pretty and great! Now all we gotta do is get them down here!"

"Nastasia an her admirer, ya mean? Ye arranged things, lassie?"

"Yep!" She held out two envelopes, each with a hand-drawn rose on the front.

"Ye be progressin' well at yer drawins, lil' miss," he noted, impressed.

"Thanks!" She giggled. "Okay, I'm gonna bring in the food and make sure stupid-head doesn't mess with anything! You go and deliver these!"

"Yes, lassie." O'Chunks started down the hall, closing the door behind him.

"Oh- Oopsie!" Mimi skipped after him and poked her head out of the doorway. "Remember! The one with the white rose is for Nastasia, and the one with the blue rose is for Count Bleck!"

She turned and skipped back inside, leaving a silent, shocked O'Chunks all alone in the hall.

* * *

Or so she thought. 

Dimentio had nearly had a heart attack when he'd seen the dining room. Thunder and lighting- that lumbering ape O'Chunks had actually done something right!

More than right- _perfect_.

He knelt there in the darkness, gripping the rafters tightly as he tried to steady himself. There was no way, even without Mimi watching the room, that he'd be able to trash the whole place before the guests arrived…

But he needed to do something, and fast, or this game was over for him!

Watching from the shadows, Dimentio's eyes fell upon O'Chunks, heading slowly down the hallway, envelopes in hand.

He smiled.

* * *

"Well…this be it." 

O'Chunks had already delivered Nastasia's invitation. Now he was standing at Count Bleck's doorway, holding the blue rose-adorned envelope as though it were made of glass and could break at any moment.

He stared at the paper. There it was, in Mimi's round, youthful-looking handwriting: _To Count Bleck_.

He stared at the door.

He didn't have to torment himself like this. He didn't have to deliver the letter. He could just go to her right now and-

Nastasia's tear-stained face flashed before his eyes, blushing, hopeful, smiling warmly…

"…"

With a resigned sigh, he set the envelope down on the floor and knocked before heading off, not once looking back.

Because, in that brief moment of reluctance, only one thing had mattered; not his obligation to little Mimi; not the prospect of teaching Dimentio a well-deserved lesson; not even his undying loyalty to Count Bleck.

Only one thing had mattered to him right then and there...One single thought that had made his choice.

_It's all for her_.

* * *

Seconds before the door opened, a fleeting shadow cartwheeled across the hall, giggling madly under its breath. 

When it had passed, the envelope was gone.

* * *

Count Bleck opened the door. "Who goes there?" 

Nothing. The hall was empty.

"Hmmm?"

He looked up, down, all around, but there was no sign of anyone or anything.

The Count shrugged and swooped back inside.


	5. Chapter 5

Who Art Thou?

Chapter Five

Nastasia knew what the letter was about before she even opened it.

_To Nastasia_, it read, the lilac-scented ink scrawling across a beautifully-drawn white rose. She took a deep breath and opened it.

_Meet me in the dining room tonight at eight_

_I have something important to tell you_

Nastasia gasped, and, holding the letter in a trembling hand, headed into her washroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She couldn't show up looking like _this_…

It was time for a little makeover.

* * *

Half an hour later, at exactly eight o' clock, the doors to the dining room swung open. 

Mimi and O'Chunks, both hiding in the corner behind thick red curtains, watched in awe, eyes widening, mouths gaping open as Nastasia walked in.

Instead of her usual pressed white shirt and black slacks, she was wearing a black satin cocktail dress and matching black heels. She'd traded her usual art-noveau-chic jewelry for a string of pearls around her neck, and even two little pearls dangling from her ears. Her cat's-eye glasses were gone. She had put on a little makeup and pulled her hair back in an elegant twist, with a small curl hanging free. The poem was folded and clasped tenderly in her hand.

She looked stunning.

She also looked a little nervous- she was smiling broadly, but even as she sat down at the table and tentatively helped herself to a cherry, she was taking deep breaths and fidgeting with her fingers.

"This is going to be so sweet," Mimi whispered excitedly. "Now all we have to do is wait for the Count to show up…"

And so they waited.

* * *

Two minutes passed. Nastasia gazed dreamily at the roses in the center of the table. Mimi stared at the doorway in anticipation. O'Chunks watched Nastasia. 

Eight minutes passed. Nastasia took another piece of fruit, looking nervous. Mimi frowned slightly. O'Chunks gripped the curtain.

Five minutes passed. Nastasia looked a little uneasy. Mimi bit her lip. O'Chunks swallowed hard.

Soon, it was eight thirty, and the Count had still not arrived. Nastasia was nervously tugging at a coil of her hair.

Mimi turned to O'Chunks. "I don't get it," she whispered. "Why's the Count so late?"

O'Chunks could only shrug and shake his head.

"What if…he got sick?" Mimi gasped, biting her thumb. "What if something happened?"

O'Chunks sighed and shook his head. Mimi gave a worried little whine.

At nine o' clock, Nastasia took a deep, shaky breath, looked again at the door…and began to cry.

Mimi and O'Chunks exchanged alarmed looks. They had _never_ seen Nastasia cry, but she was, sitting there, biting her rosy red lip as she tried to hold it in, with tears running down her cheeks.

"Oh, the poor thing."

Mimi gasped. O'Chunks glared.

Dimentio smiled.

"Looks like the other guest of honor won't be showing up," he murmured in mock pity. "Pity. And so the maiden laments…Oh, cruel fate."

Before either of them could stop him, he had swiftly sprang out into the open, landing beside Nastasia, who gasped, shocked by his presence.

"Good evening, Nastasia," he said, bowing. "You look lovely tonight."

* * *

Nastasia's stomach twisted. _Oh, no_. 

Had her fears been correct?

_Was _Dimentio her admirer?

Mimi and O'Chunks were beginning to think the same thing. Mimi's eyes widened, and, horrified, she mouthed, '_Dimentio_?' O'Chunks looked considerably paler.

Dimentio's hand moved.

O'Chunks started forward. Mimi put a hand on his arm- whether out of fear or restraint, she wasn't sure.

They both watched with wide, distraught eyes and Dimentio stepped closer and took Nastasia's hand.

"Nastasia…I have to tell you something."

She recoiled slightly, covering her mouth with her fist.

"I'm afraid that Count Bleck couldn't make it tonight." Dimentio shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Nastasia swallowed and nodded, staring at the ground.

And then she broke down completely.

With a shaky sob, she put her head and her arms and wept, her slender body racked as she gasped for air.

Dimentio shook his head and turned around.

He locked eyes with Mimi and O'Chunks.

He smiled.

* * *

They stared at him, thunderstruck, as he strode back to their hiding place, his smile stretching across his face. 

"Looks like I win this game," he said cheerfully. "Pay up.

Mimi practically threw the Rubees at him before breaking down herself, sinking to the floor and burying her face in her hands. O'Chunks tried to help her up, but she twisted away from him, sobbing silently.

"Too bad," Dimentio said airily, leaning against the wall. "Not all endings are happy ones, little Mi."

A sudden movement jarred Mimi from her desperation.

"O'Chunks- what are you doing?"

O'Chunks started across the room, heading right for the sobbing Nastasia.

* * *

"Miss Nastasia?" 

She lifted her head. "_What_?" she sobbed. "Just- just…just go away…"

He took her hand and went down on one knee before her. They were eye-to-eye.

O'Chunks took a deep breath and lowered his head.

_Such tears are a cruel mockery of the joy that you bring_

_You are an angel, my darling, and every single thing_

_You do is like the holiest of blessings unto me_

_Sadness is not for angels…Do not let these tears be_

_Instead, fair Nastasia, the tears should be mine_

_For I have committed a most horrible crime_

_I have sinned against my angel; I have not been true_

_I confess; Nastasia…_

_…I am in love with you_

* * *

Even with the words slurred by his heavy accent, they were still beautiful- and still familiar to her ears. 

Silence.

Nastasia's years stopped abruptly, as though frozen on her face. She looked at the poem, folded in her hand, and then back at O'Chunks.

"…_You_?" she breathed.

O'Chunks nodded, his eyes on the floor.

…It made _sense_. O'Chunks must've slipped the poem in her report tray when he was delivering his punishment. And Mimi herself had said he often accompanied her to the library- in fact, it was also where he went to work on her reports- where, she remembered, there were dozens of poetry books...And he was free to study from them...free to write...

O'Chunks was her secret admirer.

Her hand shook violently; the poem fluttered to the floor.

"It…was you," Nastasia murmured. "It was you…"

"Nastasia," he began heavily, "I-"

He was cut off by a loud laugh.

Dimentio had rolled out of the corner, holding his sides and laughing loud and hard. 

"_Ha ha ha_! Oh, how _delightful_!" he cried between laughs. "You know what, Mimi? Forget the bet! It was worth it just for this! _Ha_!"

Mimi stood over him, her face red with rage. "Dimentio, you-"

And as the jester rolled there on the floor, that's when O'Chunks saw it.

Count Bleck's invitation- unopened- tucked neatly into his belt.

He gave a low growl.

_CRASH_!

A loud roar, a strangled cry, Rubees scattering everywhere, the empty chair toppling over, several dishes falling off the table and dashing to the floor.

When the ruckus had subsided, O'Chunks stood there, fists clenched- one hand around Dimentio's throat.

* * *

The jester gave a ragged gasp and kicked at the air, but it was no use. In fact, O'Chunks appeared to be squeezing him harder. 

"_You_!" he boomed, his eyes blazing. "_You_ did this!"

O'Chunks growled and jerked his arm, pulling the jester closer.

Dimentio opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"O'Chunks-" Mimi began, but she trailed off, her voice fading.

"If ye _ever_ hurt Miss Nastasia like this _ever again_," O'Chunks growled, putting deadly emphasis on each and every word, "_I will get ye fer it_. Do ye hear me?"

Dimentio narrowed his eyes, but did not reply.

"I said, _do ye hear me_?!"

He threw Dimentio clear across the room. The jester hit the ground with a thud and rolled over on his hands and knees, coughing, gasping for breath.

He lifted his head. His smile was gone. In the dim yellow light of the candles, the three saw a completely different creature glaring at them from dark, cold eyes.

"You'll regret this move," he wheezed, and then he was gone.

* * *

O'Chunks turned to Nastasia, who was leaning slightly on the table, her legs weak. Her expression was pained, broken…It tore his heart in two just looking at her. 

"Nastasia…" He let his arms drop helplessly to his sides. "I- I'm…I'm sorry."

Mimi timidly stepped forward. "Nassy? O'Chunks?"

"It's late, lil' miss," O'Chunks said, turning to her. "I oughta take ya ta bed. C'mon."

"But-" she began, but then O'Chunks had her hand and was leading her away.

Just before they left, she looked over her shoulder.

Nastasia was standing there, her head bowed. The poem was still on the floor.

And then-

"O'Chunks," she whispered, tugging urgently at his beard, "look!"

O'Chunks turned his head, his eyes dark and forlorn.

Nastasia closed her eyes. A last tear dribbled down her cheek.

Then she knelt down and gently scooped the poem into her hands, holding it over her heart.

He smiled.

* * *

Awwww... X3

Tis the end! Kwee!

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Minstrel of Ages for inspiration. You see, I was reading her awesome Super Paper Mario fic, Lines of Light and Dark, and came across a chapter on O'Chunks. Not only did it clinch my love of O'Chunks x Nastasia, but it also gave me the idea for the whole mysterious poem. You see, Minstrel had been having trouble writing O'Chunks' accent, and I thought to myself, 'Wouldn't it be funny if he actually wrote this eloquently'?

BANG! Idea formed.

Thanks for reading, everyone! X3


End file.
